Question 1. Are you a male?
HOW TO SCORE: If you answered ''yes,'' then the type of TV you need is what is known technically as ''a bigger TV than the one you have.'' A true man cannot own a TV that is too large. Even as you read these words, there's a guy somewhere who just bought a TV with a screen the size of a regulation volleyball court, a screen on which a human nostril looks like the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel. This guy is standing in his family room -- which had to be enlarged for this TV -- and he's looking at the screen, and he WANTS to be satisfied with it, but he's troubled by the nagging suspicion that, somewhere in America, in another family room, there's a guy who has a bigger diagonal.
I'm not saying ALL men are like this. You may be the kind of man who is perfectly happy with the size of his current diagonal. Fine! I'm happy for you! Good luck in the National Floral Arrangement Championships!
But the rest of you men know you need a bigger TV.
-- Dave Barry, "So many screens, so little time" [The Miami Herald, 2004-04-18]